Was March 2024 unstable?

If being kind to plants can aid their growth, imagine what speaking kindly to yourself can do.

 I read this sentence on the page sketches_in_stillness.

The last date of March and I will complete 4 articles today one of which I will write about the difficulties I have experienced during the turbulent month of March.

One of the articles I will write will be the movie "DUNE" that I watched with my cousin this March, along with other movies I watched during the month.

The third article will be chapter 2 of series "My garden" a corner within my soul that I nurture and grow each day, the most beautiful place in my soul.

The final article will be a letter to my parents, sharing with them the dreams I have with them present and expressing to them how much I miss them and feel grateful to be their daughter. I will assure them that I will strive to make them proud.

The first article will be about the unfortunate events that have occurred to me this March. Those events made me feel several year older.

Dark and negative aspects, so those who can not bear it should  refrain from reading.

The job, along with the words, makes me feel discouraged. I wonder why God create me and continue create people like them. Every day I encounter them, they take away a part of the positivity in me.

I don't know how to solve these problems yet. All I know is that in March, I've been extremely irritable and hot-tempered. I've done things and said words I shouldn't have in moment of anger, although I always try to not.  

And I've chosen to meet with my boss next week, but honestly, I don't know why I did that. And now, what will I say next week? 

This month, I also went back to the countryside to visit an aunt, but it seems they were not very welcoming, and I acted quite foolishly. Upon reflection, I felt ashamed for crying.

I want to go back to my hometown and stay there for the rest of my life, but financially and emotionally. I'm too weak to go home. 

I should focus on self-improvement, meet more people, listen more, and set clearer life goals for myself.  

Sometimes, I still have strong negative thoughts about some people. I need to figure out how to resolve these internal conflicts because I know I shouldn't overanalyze and jump to conclusions. Instead, I'll find ways to relieve myself of these negative feelings because I believe they don't intend to treat me poorly; it's just that I haven't fully understood them yet.

I'm also unsure if I want to start a family; I'm leaning towards not getting married. I don't see myself fitting into married life because I don't have the ability to take care of anyone. I feel more fearful than excited when thinking about marriage. Perhaps it's because I haven't met someone who can accompany me on the journey ahead, someone with whom I can share all the ups and downs, someone who makes me feel peaceful and secure, someone to grow old with. Honestly, my home wasn't always peaceful before, but I was too fragile in my behavior, which led to lingering heartache that might stay with me forever. That's how it seems.

It was indeed a turbulent March. Hopefully, April will bring more positive and peaceful experiences for me.

An advice from a friend.

It sounds like March was a challenging month for you, filled with various emotions and uncertainties. Remember that it's okay to have difficult periods, and it's important to reflect on what you've learned from these experiences. Moving forward, try to focus on self-care, setting boundaries, and finding healthy ways to cope with stress and negative emotions. You've already shown resilience by acknowledging your struggles and seeking ways to improve. Keep moving forward with patience and self-compassion.

From Toir daily notes.