A dark corner of mine: This is where my dark secrets lie, please consider before reading.

This is where I release the negative things within me.

"I will be honest with myself, without hiding or forcing myself, and what I write is not meant to criticize anyone. I hope that I can become stronger to find joy in life, which I once thought had no place for me."

On Friday evening, I cried a lot. Why did I cry? Because I was sad, as things that didn't go as planned kept happening to me. Crying to release negativity, there's too much negative energy inside me and I need to let it out. I always feel like that, always sad and not very happy. I wonder if I still have enough strength to endure or not. Enduring unexpected events will come to myself. Witnessing injustices happen to myself, yet still able to be happy at the end of the day.

I am sitting at a cafe near my house, enjoying a rather unique and delicious bubble tea. The rain has just stopped. Every time, it rains, I feel a little sad because of the cold. When it rains, I usually pause to admire the rain and start thinking about the ups and downs of the past. Or perhaps it's because I am already feeling sad, so things like that (when it rains, when I listen to a sad song, or when I watch as sad movie...) often remind me of past sorrows.

I don't want myself to be so gloomy. I am living a life that I truly hate. It's a live without motivation, without goals, dreams and efforts. All of those things stem from my own inadequacies and cowardice. I spend too much time thinking. I am someone who thinks too much and acts too little. I expend most of my energy being sad and dwelling on what others say to me. 

I should stop now. If I continue talking about these negative things, these terrible things will drag my mood down and engulf me completely.

 

Go for it.

From Toir daily notes.